It's kind of sad when you have to choose between taking the day off of work to go to your uncle's funeral and going to work to literally be able to keep your utilities on.

Please don't hold it against me, Uncle John. And rest in peace. We just found out three days ago he had terminal cancer. He worked up until a week ago.

So in the LJ spotlight this week is this girl named Jamie. She's living my dream in part, being an American living in Japan doing something she loves. She's acting and helping draw Shin Prince of Tennis. I'd love to be able to act in Japan. And help on a manga too, don't get me wrong! But I don't really have a strong hold on the dream to be a successful manga artist. Here or there. I do still want to go to Japan to be a teacher of English. But of course I have to get into college first. Which for reason after reason keeps not happening. One of my co-workers just got accepted into Savannah College of Art and Design. So in the fall, she'll be leaving our happy little art store and going into the world of animation. Fulfilling her dreams. Anyway. The reason this girl depresses me so much is because she's so happy and optimistic. Why can't I be like that? Why can't I think "I have no money? But it'll be okay, I'll figure it out! ♥" like she does?

Why do people have dreams? What's the point in believing in them? It's like I can't figure out if I'm too lazy to go after them somehow or I'm just that much of an utter failure.

It seems like everything's hopeless right now. And it's all because of money.

I don't have the gas to get to work for the rest of the week. My bank account is overdrawn $155 because Wachovia decided to slap some absurd $140 overdraft charge on me. So when my check goes through Thursday night/Friday morning, almost all of it will be eaten up by the overdraft, leaving me without the money to pay the water bill, which will be cut off before I get my next paycheck. Everyone I know is broke. I don't know what to do anymore.

Wow, it's been so long since I've updated! o_o; I could promise to write an entry explaining at length all the shit that's gone on since I posted last...but I know that won't happen. XD

So here's the ( condensed version )

( The point of the entry in the first place )

God. Today was the worst day I've had at my new job by FAR.

First, I arrived four minutes late. No, that's not a big deal in itself, but all the unloaders (my job) clock in and out together. Then, I get crushed in between a pallet stacked taller than me of heavy chemicals and the bin (which is solid steel). No, dear trainer, I didn't need that hip, and of course I could use the massive bruise I suffered because of said crushing. =D

Thank you, to the lady who-I-thought-was-my-teacher-but-actually-wasn't for being so pleasant about my stupidity. Thank you, to the creepy guy who couldn't speak English well enough so he had to get his buddy to translate for him that "wants to marry me" for only asking once and not pestering me further. Thank you to the hispanic gentlemen for only giving me weird "WTF" looks when I pointed you to the "shoe guards" instead of the "sugar", and not yelling at me. Thank you to the lady for only giving me weird "WTF" looks when I took you to the "corn chips" instead of the "coin slips" and also not yelling at me.

Then there was the lady who made me climb up on a ladder in a busy aisle to get a pinata so she could carry it around in her cart for ten minutes then leave the pinata on my pallet of water that I was stocking telling me to put it back.

To the manager that can't come tell 2nd shift unloaders personally that they need to stock 2 liters when they're done with break, and instead loudly announce over the intercom "Unloaders, your break is over. I need those 2 liters stocked now!" -- fuck you too, madam. Third shift has all night, we're not a 24-hour store. And it's their job anyway.

I have also, somehow, managed to injure myself no less than four times today. XD And my feet are killing me because the insoles I bought have too-high arches that push up against my feet. D=

Karma, I don't know what I did to piss you off, but I'm sorry! ;_; Maybe tomorrow will be better. (I think I'm crushing on one of my unloader co-workers, damn it. We sang "Dirty Little Secret" together last night, that was fun. XD)

However, I did get my laptop back today~ ♥ Life is better already.

Edit: And I just got a Salmon on AIM. *headdesk* I GIVE UP, I SWEAR! XD

Well I'm depressed now.

I graduated from High School one year ago from this Monday. The school had their graduation tonight.

Not only did I miss it, I have been reminded that I've spent one year doing approximately JACK. Not that I haven't tried, as my Dad pointed out. My mom went psycho on me and I had to drop out of school because she wouldn't let me in the house. Grrrrgh. Dad's still pissed about that. I'm not exactly happy myself.

I'm going to go apply for a job either tomorrow or monday at the local Wendy's (you want fries with that?) for a job since it's right up near the college. I'm going to try and get in for the summer semester, if not, then fall most definitely. I'm tired of sitting on my ass.

No other news, unfortunately. Sorry for the rant with no happy stuff. XD

EDIT: Look, y'all! Rico has her own dance! 8D XDD

Doctor bill: $10
Psychiatrist bill: $90
Emergency room bill: $150
Emergency room doctor bill: $258
+ Charge for pulling out of college early: $1,660
_________________________________________________
Total cost of checking your mail box: $2,168
Having your first brush in with the real world: Priceless

There are some things that don't cost money. For everything else, there's Absolute Collection Agency.

( ranting ahead, and swearing )

So right now I'm having this epic argument with my mother over Yahoo IM. Isn't that sad? The classic family dispute has been reduced to Times New Roman 12pt and mental angry smileys. It's amazing, this age of internet.

For those of you who don't know, my mother committed herself to a mental hospital last month, after claiming that I stole her boyfriend. A man which she previously claimed wasn't her boyfriend. During her time there, she also told me it was my fault she was there. Since she got out, it's been pointless argument after pointless argument about how it's not her fault and it is mine, about how I've fucked up and about how I need help. Yes. Some of it's my fault. I know and I don't mind admitting that. I've done things I shouldn't have and I've tried to apologize for it repeatedly, but it gets brushed off. I feel like she doesn't care what I've been through. I feel like she doesn't care how I feel, and it both hurts me and pisses me off at the same time and I just don't know what to do with her anymore. A big part of me wants to tell her not to talk to me again until I can deal with it. And another part of me honestly wants to tell her to never talk to me again. And then there's the last part of me that's slowly dying off, that little part that says keep talking, we'll work it out yet. And I'm coming to hate that little part of me because it feels like we're not talking, I'm just getting abused, and I want to retaliate.

In other news, I talked to my Psychology professor today. I'm dropped officially from the course.

In other, other news, I started Script Frenzy an hour ago. I have one scene done, but the process thus far has been punctuated by the Mama!Drama. Rawrgh. I think it'll be a good play though. ♥ A friend has said she'll get her college theatre company to produce it. I'm excited! And it's inspiring me to do a good job.

A small rawr/grr/twitch/annoyance. I'm working on this art piece, and it's turning out a lot better than I expected it to, therefor I'm putting more effort in to it. I was having trouble getting the hair to look realistic, so I looked up some tutorials for examples. My main problem was the boards/sites/listings were swamped with photo retouching tutorials. That's not what bothered me.

What bothered me were the endless amount of photo manipulations tutorials. All the "Make your photo look like a painting!" and "make your photo look like a fantasy portrait!" I'm sure it takes a lot of practice or skill to be able to make a photo manip look convincing. But I don't consider it art, and I don't think it should be filed under an "artistic" category. Ah well.

One more small rant: How do people make it so EVERYTHING is about them. If you piss me off, don't excuse yourself by saying you said something because of your traumatic upbringing. What the hell.

IN OTHER NEWS: Yay I found steak in my freezer a little while ago. I was like "lolwut." I've been eating sandwiches for the past week and had no idea that stuff was in there. XD Fail.